Who wants to be a kid, anyway?

“Whoever said that childhood is the happiest time of your life is a liar, or a fool.”
― Carlos Ruiz Zafón, The Midnight Palace

For as far back as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a grown up. Now that I am a grown up, I am thrilled! The only thing that makes me apathetic sometimes is how much intentional care my body needs now. But other than that, it has been great to be an adult!

I get why someone would dislike being an adult or miss childhood. You want to be protected and carefree under the benevolent authority of your parent. You don’t want to be responsible for every small little thing or the big things too. You don’t want to work, and get your soul sucked out like the adults do.

I get all this hypothetically. But, I am not convinced. You want to live a carefree life, but under rules laid down by someone else? You don’t want the power that comes with the responsibility? You are okay with facing the consequences of other people’s mistakes? You don’t want to do a nonsense job, then blame capitalism, not adulthood.

What I hated about childhood is dependence on adults for everything. E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G.

So, the first time I discovered that adults are untrustworthy liars is during the vaccination phase of childhood. Approximately, I was less than 6 years old. I am the oldest among my cousin, and I have two more cousins younger to me. My parents were discussing in Tulu the number of vaccines left. But told us that we are going to the doctor to get our weight checked?!!! and I am telling my cousins, nooo, they are lying and I don’t want to go. My sister was the first one to be injected, and when she started crying, we all started crying. So basically, I was right and my cousins were stupid.

You know what would have been best. If they just told me why the injections were important to be taken, and it would pain for some time but it will be okay and that the doctors would be nice about it. I would at least trust the adults for telling me exactly what would happen, and maybe even believe in god, bcz everything they said actually did happen. HAHAHA..

I try to piece together what kind of a kid I was, sometimes. But I can’t remember already.

I see my friends regressing into child-like behaviour to escape some pressure they imagine or to allow themselves to have fun. There is also a need to blame every anxiety to a hurt inner child. Not to minimise the pain, but surely it is about time you rise up for yourself. Parent your inner child rather than destroy everyone in sight because your inner child can’t handle reality. Clearly, that is an abusive behaviour you’ve learned as a child whose tantrums are pandered to.

The only time I miss childhood is when I see kids run and explore spaces with joy. I want to believe that I still have a sense of wonder for things. But I definitely would like to run around and assert myself in spaces more naturally, like kids do. Then again, I don’t even have the energy for that anymore.

I have grown so old, so old.. I will wear my trousers rolled.

“He didn’t want to play football. He wanted to be told the truth.”
― John Boyne

Been precocious,
tame shewolf.

PS: You can’t excuse the shit your inner child resorts to all your life. Grow the fuck up.