Unadorned


You stay

Draped in

Simplicity

 

You stay

Cloaked in

Unadorned

 

They say

You look beautiful; no doubt,

But incomplete.

They say

So much more is possible.

 

You stay

Clad in

Inglorious

 

You say

A heavy heart you carry

Already

You say

No need of jewelry

To weigh you down

You say

It’s not worth it.

It’s all unnecessary.

 

Touché

 

You stay

Burning

In Inconspicuous

 

You stay

Beautiful

In incomplete

 

Time


 

I am so conscious of you,
Every move you make
Ever so slightly.
Nothing changes in a moment,
But everything has
In just a few.
No one realizes your cruel game.

You come and go.
I watch you walk to me.
I watch you leave.
I’ve never watched you stay.
Why do you play with me this way?

Most times you’re the same.
I’ve been there with you,
So I shrug apathetically
When you arrive again.
Sometimes out of nowhere,
I realize so much has changed.
Again sometimes,
I recognize that it’s just you
Wearing something new.
You know how much I hate it,
When I spot the tiring patterns of our games? 

I need to learn to let you go.
I need to learn to not expect a thing—
You bore me when I am eager to be surprised;
Your surprises make me squirm
when I had begun to be comfortable being bored—
I need to learn to embrace you when you come.
Fuck. Tell me how it’s done.
Let’s play this game fair for once.

Suffering is momentary, you say.
For how long do you stretch it!
Bliss is eternal, you say.
For how little you let me glimpse at it!
How mean are you!
I could hold you by the collar, and beat you
Till I hear your ticking stop.
But I know it’ll only keep me stuck
In a horrible limbo,
Having neither won nor lost,
Simply debarred from playing the game.

You make me burn.
I die a little
Everyday, and everyday
I choose to rise.
When everything possible has been said and done,
All I can think is: What is next?
Yeah, curiosity kept this cat alive.
Show me what you’ve got up your sleeve.
Teach me that magic trick!
At least tell me, how do you manage to keep this game fun?

All at once,
You erase and create.
You damn me to an exile
Till these scars from the old games fade.
You visit to wreck me once more
When you decide I haven’t learnt from the mistakes I’ve made.
No next levels, huh?
Not till I have cleared all the ones before..
Well, that’s fine with me.
Let’s just play.

After all this while,
I only hold a blurry dream
Of what could have been
And what was.
I only bear a faint imagination
Of what would be
And what will be.

Really, I don’t mind that you play me.
You are simple.
Continuous.
Perfect.
(Ha! And also perfect continuous!)
You’re awesome, in the truest sense of the word.
I marvel at the grace with which you pull it all off.

Don’t mock me.
I’ll understand you one day.
I’ll watch you come, go and stay
All at once.
The falling grains of sand won’t seize me in this beautiful terror.
I’ll be above it.. So over it!
I’ll lie with you and watch everyone play this game, wretchedly.
Just like I’ve done.
Just like I had done.
Just like I will have done.
I’ll watch the tide turning in its terrifying beauty.

I’ll see you.

 

Ink


..And what if it catches up with me,
I will beg to it to leave me alone.
I really have nothing to give; not even the words.
I will ask it to just let me be. I will convince it that I can’t.
I can’t write it because I am too foolish.
Easily proven, isn’t it?

..And what if the story hits me,
Holds me by my neck, and says, “Write or else..”
“Damn you. Or else.. What?? I told you I can’t”
“Or else.. I’ll be untold.”

(and to that logic, I finally submit)

..And what if I can’t find ink then?
When the story has taken over me, what if I can’t find ink?
I will write it with my blood.

Mindgames


We both keep secrets.
But we don’t lie.

I ask you, you evade the question,
make promises,
tell me parts of the truth.

You ask me, I refuse to answer,
change the topic,
tell you whole of other truths.

But we don’t lie.

Why can’t there be one truth?
Why does everyone’s life lead to different directions?
Why are we both right and both so wrong?
Why is my truth different than yours?

I dream of ways of leaving you
when we’re talking.
when we’re talking, I wish we could kill each other with words.
Exactly how we’d like to.
But we are stuck
To beating ’round the bush.

I am leaving.
Let me go.
You’re gonna be the one who’s free.
I’ll be tied.
Let me be.
I’ll be haunted by
The thrill of these games.

I have left.
You still think it’s a joke.
For you,
This is another round of mind-games.

Travel in Time


You are not my reason for living
But you make my life easy
On me
I don’t understand your love
But I find it kinda cute

Was it a coincidental or a karmic reward?
That I met you at an opportune moment
In an otherwise dreary story
Of my grayscale life
In ways I don’t know, you save me
From myself
And though you might always be
Under the illusion that you need me,
(You really don’t),
I realize that I need you more than I can fathom

What do you want in return? Promises?

I will look out for you
I will give you everything in my capacity
In return for every warm hug
In return for every insistent inclusion
In your sundrenched world
In return for every brush of love,
That never is enough

I will hand you pieces of my soul
And try to quench my insatiable thirst
And try to conquer my darkness
Whose source seems inexhaustible

And it doesn’t matter if I succeed in it or not
Doesn’t matter that I may remain disconnected
It doesn’t matter at all

All this…

It’s worth it.

Because of you.

We’ll travel in time together
Maybe not forever
But again, how does that matter?
Time is not the measure of love

I had the time of my life with you
And like I hang on to my darkness,
I’ll hang on to you
And never ever ever let those shadows touch you

Quiet Times


 

The phone’s not ringing
I am thinking about whom to call
It’s been a long day
I need to talk
C’mon, think of someone!
Except you
Except you
Except you

Not you,
And I do think of someone as sweet
But it’s not you

I don’t think of you
Except at quiet times
When left along to myself
When there’s so much to say
But no one to run to

Dusty terrace, pleasant wind
Conversations and evenings
What went wrong?
I know exactly.
What was the point?
Can’t see even vaguely.

I am not coming back
’cause once it starts, I know how it ends
I’ll save myself the torture

I am keeping what I’ve learnt from you
I am keeping you with me
Even if it’s an intangible idea in an intangible space
I am keeping love in me
A quiet, unruffled love.

 

(title inspired from the song by Dido- Quiet Times)

Disconnected Love


*

I watch them laugh
Greet, share, run, hide and come back
They are all mine
But they are not me
I don’t see them cry, maybe that’s why

I can’t see them cry; why?

They love me
I can see that
Why can’t I feel it?

Oh, I am so cold sometimes.

I watch them
It seems, from the outside
Of a bubble that contains them
Their jokes and their secrets
I can only see, not touch

And what if I do?
The bubble will break
They’ll be part of my world
The romance will end.
Like it always does.

Broken Thoughts


They come to me

Incomplete

Phrase by phrase

Slower

Overcoming the invisible speed-bumps

That I may have created

 

They come to me

In random speeds

Incomprehensible to others

Parts of me

I don’t know which is better−

The slower ones or the faster?

Any which way,

They remain in disproportion

To the speed of my chatter

 

They come to me

Without rhythm

Intelligent sparks

Seem like fluke

The few possibles

Among all permutations and combinations

 

I pick the scattered pieces

They drop again somehow

I can see myself in all those bits

I try to imagine myself whole

Uninterrupted.

I like it, I am proud.

 

But what’s the use?

Of good things being trapped in your head

For no one to see,

And to enjoy as much or even more

What is the cure?

Where will I find the glue?

Stick them together

Help the picture form through

 

The clusters, the chaos

These broken thoughts

They come to me

Hesitating.

But they come to me

 

Broken thoughts

Like building a bridge from imagination to reality

Like stepping stones in tempestuous waters

Broken thoughts

Trying to keep a brave face

In my mind’s vacuum

In my mind’s storm