Why I hate boys. (Part 1)


“I was a thirteen-year-old boy for thirty years.”

~Mickey Rooney

If you have opened the link, I do not need to warn you that this is going to be me ranting my heart out in a polite cruelty capable of only me. I warn you: do not try to calm me down with thy comments! I will also bring to your notice that I do have sane moments when I explain to myself, “Every guy is not like that”.  But, every girl knows that it takes only a moment of silence, after a conversation with a typical guy, to trigger the episode of “AAAAaargh- I- HATE-BOYS!”

(Exhale!)

Let me start by saying that the fundamental reason I hate boys is because they are dumb. Simple as that. My tolerance for dumbness, though increased by magnitudes over the years, is only little. To explain my point, I will categorize a dumb guy, which is every boy in the world, into the following categories:

(Delighted, wicked smile)

1.     The Emotional

This guy always has more trouble than he can cope with.

Fantastic talker.

Plays the victim. Has no stability. Blames external factors only.

Fights with all gusto to prove a redundant point. Doesn’t fight when really required.

Dreams not in proportion to ability; or even vice versa, i.e., capable of so much more but indulges only in trivial superficial talks about death, existentialism, love and pain.

You’d think he’s such a bechara, but really he’s a manipulator.

Example- When you think: “Enough is enough; I’m going to give him my piece of mind today!”, something terrible has already happened in his life and all that build-up in your head is wasted. If nothing has happened, then his miserable puppy eyes say he didn’t mean anything he said/did and you think, “Exactly!”

Example- When you think of leaving, there is a galore of sick promises and lectures on misunderstood-him, purity of his feelings, selflessness etc. etc. And damn you girl, if you believed even one.

In extreme cases, he also injures himself to prove I-don’t-know-what.

He clings. Like a leech.

The problem with this guy is not that he’s emotional; it is that he rates emotions over a strong head. He indulges in emotional internal conflicts for no reason. A simple problem remains unsolved. He can never just man up even for himself and do what is the right thing to do.

If you know even one guy of this type, RUN AWAY! He will zap all your energies and it will not be worth it.

2.     The Numb

In the other extreme end of the emotion spectrum, we have The Numb. Does he feel anything??? That is, except his erection. (Hahahaha.. I can’t believe I’ve not edited this part out. I am so amused by my own joke.)

He is either happy or angry. Incapable of any other emotion.

If you are talking about your feelings to him, oh well… you might as well broadcast the whole situation on TV after adding funny mental monologues to his dumbfounded-ness. Sometimes he will insist you to explain how you feel, maybe only to pass the time. Humor him if you have the strength to withstand more disappointment or if it’s been a good, lucky day.

After something terrible happens, you might worry about how much he must be hurt. So you call him to cheer him up only to realize that he is TOTALLY fine. You may even be disappointed and wonder why you were torturing yourself over it?

There’s no problem with a numb guy unless he happens to be your boyfriend or even your best friend.

3.     The Liar

I hate liars. I just can’t stand them. Irrespective of age, sexual orientation and job designation, all boys lie! Lying is not a type. It is an infection they can’t rid themselves off. Symptoms are as follows:

He’ll lie about the big things, of course. But here’s the catch: he’ll lie about the little things too. If you are waiting for him and ask him where is he; he’ll claim he’s only ten minutes away when he really is going for a bath the next minute. OMFG, why does anyone have to lie for such things??
(Note to whoever does this: If I know the truth, I can prepare myself for waiting for half an hour. What are you scared of? That I’ll crib and nag and scream?? That you can’t save yourself from anyway. Why add to it your stupid lie!)

Such a type, as different versions of the same story told to different people to suit their taste.

He would make efforts to avoid you from socializing with his friends.

He will always be sweet to you on your face.

Phone is password protected. And he may not even be dating or have porn on his phone!

He claims he doesn’t lie. And really girls, believe him on this one: he doesn’t lie. He hides. He’ll give you parts of the truth/the headlines of the event. If you question, not out of suspicion but even out of curiosity, the story falls apart. Lying begins.

Problem with the liar type: Can’t trust him for even little things. It’s just sad.

4.     The Flirt

I am not including the perverse-type in this list who want to make/do/have friendship. If friendship is an “activity” for you, do not talk to me. Period.

I like witty flirting. It is healthy and so mentally-stimulating. But The Flirt makes you feel like crying.

He cannot talk straight. He cannot have a conversation without interrupting it with his “flirtatious comments.” After a point, you realize he’s over-doing it, being unrealistic, superfluous and then you just get bored because it’s untrue and unnecessary.

Though you might catch yourself laughing, it is actually your fake, tired laugh. Sadly, your tired laugh is only reinforcing more senseless flirting.

Problem with The Flirt: It doesn’t make you feel special. You know he keeps no standard/filter whatsoever.

Oh! This has turned out to be a long post and I’m not done yet. Stay tuned for more this week! 😀

Of course, this is only Part 1!

Signing off,

Tame SheWolf

WORDLY WISE:

Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.

~Plato

 

P.S: (SheWolf moans)

How I met my E63


“A teenager is always too tired to hold a dishcloth, but never too tired to hold a phone.”

So kids, I’m going to tell you an incredible story: the story of how I met my Nokia E63.

But first, y’all should know how troublesome the year 2010 was. Yes, I was turning 18 that year and unlike every 18 year old, I was reviewing what I had achieved and not achieved. General conclusion was that again, unlike all teenagers I had not done anything mad. See, that is why I have no funny/naughty stories to tell you about my childhood. I was adamant that I will mark the beginning of adulthood by doing something wild.

I came up with two rebellious things to do: 1. Colour my hair red. 2. Get a tattoo on my neck.
I wanted red hair because in early 2010 I was and still am a Florence + The Machine fan. Florence was a ‘Brit’, a ‘great singer’ and had ‘red hair’! The first two criteria were unachieveable technically, so having red hair went up on the list. About the tattoo.. err.. I really don’t remember why I was so impressed by them. Obviously, the big time coward that I am, I never really went ‘mad enough’ to do both the things. Also, y’all should know that I had also been crazy about getting myself a QWERTY keypad phone throughout this time.

Okay so, the point being: I had made a deal with mom (your grand-mom) that she allow me to get a tattoo done instead of getting me a new QWERTY phone for my birthday. I don’t know what my mom (your grand-mom) interpreted that to be but she gifted me Larsson’s Millennium Trilogy. The first book of the series was titled “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” which only added insult to injury. So, my birthday came and went. I didn’t get red hair or a tattoo or a new phone! Can you believe my bad business sense?  I traded the possibility of a new mobile phone for temporary needle pain. Yes, you guessed right, my bad mood prevailed for the rest of the year.

Anyhow kids, my E63 arrived at my house in a pretty box in October 2010. The catch: My mom bought it for herself. I didn’t know then that it will become my most cherished gadget soon. After the initial excitement of a new phone in the house, I did not look back at the phone again. Yeah, it was perfect: awesome keypad; convenient and user-friendly; Shahrukh Khan is the brand ambassador of Nokia so the phone’s brand-ambassador was also approved of; and it was RED! I love gadgets with wacky colours. So, yes, it was perfect. But I did not look at it, that phone was not mine. My bad mood continued. And kids, it was always there; waiting patiently if not silently on the dining table, connected to the electric socket and getting charged.

My mood and the story took a new turn when my mom (your grand-mom) told me she was getting a blackberry for herself [I didn’t want one even though it was in vogue]. I got dreaming about E63. The only problem was my sister (your aunt) who was eyeing the phone too. But being the big sister, I bullied [and bribed] her and claimed the phone as rightfully mine. I was next in line as the ‘heir’. But then again, when the blackberry came, my mom (your grand-mom) was finding it difficult to adjust to it. So she said she’ll need some more time with the E63 [which was understood and accepted by me]. She also placed this condition that I will get the E63 only after my semester exams in February [which was uncalled for and not entertained by me].

Then finally, I don’t remember how but after much ado, I did get the phone by February 2011.

And now I will only reassert how much I love my phone.  Kids, y’all know I don’t talk ‘geek’ like y’all and your Dad. I can’t boast about the features because really I have no clue. 😛

But all I can say is I am enjoying it too much. All because of my cool, red E63:- I can listen to music during the three hours I travel to college. I play too much solitaire and have a pretttty good Freecell score to boast about. I can use the internet whenever I want to. It also encourages the writer in me. I keep jotting down blog-ideas, poems and thoughts in the notes section. And hell, this is the only phone that I haven’t lost due to my absent-mindedness. (Here, I regretfully accept that I have lost phones before. How? Well, that’s another story). BTW I guard this phone with my life. And as each day passes, it is reconfirmed that this phone is “sculpted” especially for me.

And FYI, I’ve partly written this post on my phone.

Kids (by maturity level)-cum-blog mates, if you want me to tell you the story of ‘How I met my Dell’, pray that I win!  Otherwise those posts will be ending with cliffhangers until finally, due to some absolute necessity I buy a laptop for myself.

(Now imagine the theme song playing),

Signing off,

Future– Tame SheWolf

WORDLY WISE:

“What is so brilliant about the gadgets is their simplicity.”

~Desmond Llewelyn

P.S.:  This post is for an Indiblogger competition by Dell (Change is Easy). So kids, remember to check this site out: http://bitly.com/inspiron.

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Super-Heroes


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SUPERHEROES

I’m not normally a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman!”
— Homer Simpson

I think I get to serious for y’all [readers] sometimes and to top that y’all hate me casual. To make up for the last debacle my blog-piece was, here is a light-hearted review [which is still opinionated as you like it!] on the superheroes of our times. Obviously I am not talking about any living person. I am hinting at the super-heroes with super powers. Since the comic book craze has left our generation untouched, my favorites are actually based on the movies or cartoon shows I’ve seen on them. So puh-leeease… the super-hero super-fans forgive me because I’m not including iron man, or hulk, or any other superhero you think I should rave about.
First let’s start with the superheroes which are good but not that great.

SUPERMAN:

Superman is really cool. Red and blue are my favorite colors anyway. He is so handsome– excellent body, superb jaw-line and above all he’s chivalrous!!!  He is the typical super-hero equipped with typical super-powers with the red cape and a heart that loves! Yeah, I know, ‘awww…’ but whatever! There’s nothing wrong with being typical. But that’s what is wrong with Superman. He is too good to be true. To prove my point let me remind you that he is an alien not human! Imagine he still loves a woman who’s human. IMAGINE (the cross-breeding)!!!  Eeww! I don’t understand why a great, perfect guy loves the pretty, imperfect girl… My god, guys of all species must be shallow! 😉

[I love wearing the superman t-shirt though. The ‘S’ logo is so cool!]

SPIDERMAN:

Spiderman is human, no doubt! But he is mutated and unbelievably lacks the confidence to use his ‘power’ and always worries about ‘great responsibility.’ OMG, he’s me even though he’s mutated! He puts his woman in some special pedestal even though she is not that ‘wow-material’ [Oops, me again! In my case, ‘he’] Spiderman is not typical. He is really human. That’s why he’s one of my favorites. Let me be shallow now, he is handsome and imperfect! ❤

[Spiderman movies are so good, yaar! It is always inspiring and awesome!]

WONDER-WOMAN & HAWK GIRL:

Yeha! Women are never far-behind! They are equal and greater in style and strength. The feminist in me is screaming ‘Yahoo!’ See, though I know very little of them because I don’t read comic books and my knowledge of them is completely based on one of my favorite cartoon show ‘Justice League’,  I’m safe in concluding that they are really good superheroes complete with engaging personalities of their own. Wonder-woman with her lasso of truth, indestructible bracelets and her proficiency in hand to hand combats is fun-watching and raving about. Without doubt, she’s got the best costume amongst everyone. However, hawk girl’s wings are too good. If I had to choose between wonder woman and hawk girl, I’d choose the latter. Hawk girl possesses the power of flight, superhuman strength, super-acute vision, and an enhanced healing/regeneration ability. Also she is good in combat!

[The theme song of justice league is so haunting, elevating and awesome all at the same time!]

BATMAN: (PERFECTION!)

Batman is my ideal super-hero. He is self-made. He is a handsome billionaire with the correct moral code. Even if he was not a super-hero, Bruce Wayne would have been my hero anyway! And what a dhinchak name, man! Compare his name to Clark Kent or Peter Parker, Bruce Wayne wins for me hands down! Adding all the gadgets, bat-mobile, money and good looks what also makes batman a good superhero is that he fights with the best of evil. Batman villains are cruel to the core. It is very important that the enemies seem invincible, only then it is fun to fight and see your hero win. Not only villains, the good people in the batman series have characters of their own (eg. his butler Alfred Pennyworth, the police commissioner Jim Gordon). The only irritating thing is Robin. I don’t consider Robin to be part of the Batman series. There is a difference between a ‘partner’ and a ‘sidekick’. Batman does not need a sidekick and not such a lame one, for sure.

[The mystery of his character makes him so appealing to me! Batman- YUM! YUM! YUM! ]

In general, I’d also like to add the X-men in this list. The X-men series is totally engaging. Wolverine is definitely the most intriguing characters among all. His power is boring but his fighting skills and attitude makes up for it. Hugh Jackman looks so raw and masculine as Wolverine. I’d have to use profanities to describe how f*%@ing sexy he looks! 😉

Now, the question arises if I was a superhero, what power would I like to have? I’ve decided it! So GOD, if you plan to mutate me, I want to have a mind-reading and manipulating power. Also, I want the ability to learn the complete past of people /objects just by touch. Anyway, I’m so clumsy its better I don’t ask for super-strength! You bet I would make a fantastic superhero!!

Me, I’m Back on track (you better agree!),
Signing off,
Tame She Wolf


WORDLY WISE:

We’ve always been ready for female superheroes. Because women want to be them and men want to do them.
— Frank Janssen

Corrupting My Language


BLOG 10




Corrupting My Language
“Disclaimer: I have nothing against my friends who type exactly the way mentioned below. I am not hoping that you change for me. The views expressed in this blog-piece are mine and mine alone. There was no intention of hurting any sentiments but if I did then, gosh, that’s successful writing!”
— TAME SHE WOLF
I didn’t realize I have such strong opinions about the ‘SMS language’ until recently.  I am not against it honestly. It’s our way of expression. But there are things I like and don’t like.
Emoticons are totally cool! It’s fun to read a colorful message. They express your mood without you having to type it down. It is my savior. That’s because I can always add an emoticon [eg.  :P] after writing a cuss word or passing a sarcastic comment to suggest that it was all meant in a good way! 😉

Short forms like TTYL, GN, GM, TC, FYI, BDW, OMG etc. are also really helpful. Obviously you wouldn’t write these phrases down every time while chit-chatting. Oh! I forgot to add WTH or WTF (Which ever you prefer!) on the list.
But what we tend to forget- and I’m here to remind- that short forms does not mean shortening spellings. I hate it when ‘sum ppl rite msgs lyk dis, k?!!’ I loathe it. But I know this trend will not fade away anytime soon because the message is passed across without any misunderstanding. I have one argument though. Use of ‘gt’ can mean both ‘get’ and ‘got’ and technically ‘g’ gives out the sound “guh” or “juh” depending on  which alphabet it precedes (Eg: Gigantic). So ‘gt’ should give be pronounced as “guh-t” not ‘got’! But like I said, who cares as long as the message is passed across? My argument goes DOWN in the drain. To add to that some hindi words are also spelt really badly in English. I’m no good in hindi but I’ll still give you an example:
The way it is written [misinterpreted by me]: chod yar, me nai ja rahe hu!
The correct version [according to me]:  chhod yar, main nahi jaa rahi hoon!
See!!!! Please sympathize with me, guys!
I don’t mind people using ‘2’ in place of words like ‘to’ or ‘too.’ The sound remains the same. I appreciate the creativity in mixing letters and numbers together to make the word meaningful. I can only think of two examples for now- Gr8 (great) and 5n (fine). It is frustrating only when it doesn’t make sense. ‘F9’ in no way gives the same sound as ‘fine.’  It becomes fuh-nine!
I also understand the need to add ‘’ It expresses pauses in thought or speech. Many authors use it too. It is English-approved. But what the fuck is ‘………………..’?? Blank thought for more than a minute or do you enjoy pressing the button so much?!
Due to the SMS revolution, we have forgotten some basic grammar and punctuation rules. Have you ever seen a correctly punctuated SMS? Rarely! Let me bring to your notice that there is no independent word such as ‘cant’ or ‘wont’ or ‘dont’. These words are meaningless without an apostrophe. I already have had a great discussion with my friends on the difference between “y’all” (you all) and “u’ll” (you will) and I’m lucky enough to have a decent number of supporters on that one!
   
However, it does not mean that I haven’t made my share of blunders. I had this obsessive habit of fitting in ‘GN TC’ in the end of every message even if I intended to chat further.  It was as if I was adding ‘OVER’ after finishing my sentence while speaking into a walkie-talkie. I was scolded and made to realize that ‘GN TC’ is used to conclude the chat just like saying ‘bye’ before ending a telephonic conversation. I have learnt my ‘mobile manners.’
In any case, I will surely rebel if exams start allowing the use of SMS language for solving papers. I’ll leave you on that bitter note.  
😉 GN TC,
Signing off,
Tame She Wolf
WORDLY WISE:
“Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.”
— Adlai Stevenson
P.S: I realized I used a lot of bad language this time. Well, that’s how angry I get! Be forewarned.