“I was a thirteen-year-old boy for thirty years.”
If you have opened the link, I do not need to warn you that this is going to be me ranting my heart out in a polite cruelty capable of only me. I warn you: do not try to calm me down with thy comments! I will also bring to your notice that I do have sane moments when I explain to myself, “Every guy is not like that”. But, every girl knows that it takes only a moment of silence, after a conversation with a typical guy, to trigger the episode of “AAAAaargh- I- HATE-BOYS!”
Let me start by saying that the fundamental reason I hate boys is because they are dumb. Simple as that. My tolerance for dumbness, though increased by magnitudes over the years, is only little. To explain my point, I will categorize a dumb guy, which is every boy in the world, into the following categories:
(Delighted, wicked smile)
1. The Emotional
This guy always has more trouble than he can cope with.
Plays the victim. Has no stability. Blames external factors only.
Fights with all gusto to prove a redundant point. Doesn’t fight when really required.
Dreams not in proportion to ability; or even vice versa, i.e., capable of so much more but indulges only in trivial superficial talks about death, existentialism, love and pain.
You’d think he’s such a bechara, but really he’s a manipulator.
Example- When you think: “Enough is enough; I’m going to give him my piece of mind today!”, something terrible has already happened in his life and all that build-up in your head is wasted. If nothing has happened, then his miserable puppy eyes say he didn’t mean anything he said/did and you think, “Exactly!”
Example- When you think of leaving, there is a galore of sick promises and lectures on misunderstood-him, purity of his feelings, selflessness etc. etc. And damn you girl, if you believed even one.
In extreme cases, he also injures himself to prove I-don’t-know-what.
He clings. Like a leech.
The problem with this guy is not that he’s emotional; it is that he rates emotions over a strong head. He indulges in emotional internal conflicts for no reason. A simple problem remains unsolved. He can never just man up even for himself and do what is the right thing to do.
If you know even one guy of this type, RUN AWAY! He will zap all your energies and it will not be worth it.
2. The Numb
In the other extreme end of the emotion spectrum, we have The Numb. Does he feel anything??? That is, except his erection. (Hahahaha.. I can’t believe I’ve not edited this part out. I am so amused by my own joke.)
He is either happy or angry. Incapable of any other emotion.
If you are talking about your feelings to him, oh well… you might as well broadcast the whole situation on TV after adding funny mental monologues to his dumbfounded-ness. Sometimes he will insist you to explain how you feel, maybe only to pass the time. Humor him if you have the strength to withstand more disappointment or if it’s been a good, lucky day.
After something terrible happens, you might worry about how much he must be hurt. So you call him to cheer him up only to realize that he is TOTALLY fine. You may even be disappointed and wonder why you were torturing yourself over it?
There’s no problem with a numb guy unless he happens to be your boyfriend or even your best friend.
3. The Liar
I hate liars. I just can’t stand them. Irrespective of age, sexual orientation and job designation, all boys lie! Lying is not a type. It is an infection they can’t rid themselves off. Symptoms are as follows:
He’ll lie about the big things, of course. But here’s the catch: he’ll lie about the little things too. If you are waiting for him and ask him where is he; he’ll claim he’s only ten minutes away when he really is going for a bath the next minute. OMFG, why does anyone have to lie for such things??
(Note to whoever does this: If I know the truth, I can prepare myself for waiting for half an hour. What are you scared of? That I’ll crib and nag and scream?? That you can’t save yourself from anyway. Why add to it your stupid lie!)
Such a type, as different versions of the same story told to different people to suit their taste.
He would make efforts to avoid you from socializing with his friends.
He will always be sweet to you on your face.
Phone is password protected. And he may not even be dating or have porn on his phone!
He claims he doesn’t lie. And really girls, believe him on this one: he doesn’t lie. He hides. He’ll give you parts of the truth/the headlines of the event. If you question, not out of suspicion but even out of curiosity, the story falls apart. Lying begins.
Problem with the liar type: Can’t trust him for even little things. It’s just sad.
4. The Flirt
I am not including the perverse-type in this list who want to make/do/have friendship. If friendship is an “activity” for you, do not talk to me. Period.
I like witty flirting. It is healthy and so mentally-stimulating. But The Flirt makes you feel like crying.
He cannot talk straight. He cannot have a conversation without interrupting it with his “flirtatious comments.” After a point, you realize he’s over-doing it, being unrealistic, superfluous and then you just get bored because it’s untrue and unnecessary.
Though you might catch yourself laughing, it is actually your fake, tired laugh. Sadly, your tired laugh is only reinforcing more senseless flirting.
Problem with The Flirt: It doesn’t make you feel special. You know he keeps no standard/filter whatsoever.
Oh! This has turned out to be a long post and I’m not done yet. Stay tuned for more this week! 😀
Of course, this is only Part 1!
Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable.
P.S: (SheWolf moans)