Am I a monk now?

Okay, it has been clearly established time and again that I am an atheist. I can appreciate someone’s devotion, discipline and faith, but I can’t live with them to watch them do it.

Having said that, I am not religious about being atheist. I do believe that the pursuit of existential questions and morality is a spiritual journey. So, recently, I have been fascinated with Taoism. I read two books: Tao Te Ching (the original text written by Lao Tzu, and of course I am reading an English translation) and Osho’s explanation of the Tao. There were other books that I left because it was too prescriptive for my liking.

I have been thinking about meditating on the poetic texts and what it means to me at a certain point of time, like how I do with poetry. Tao Te Ching really lends itself to that kind of a breakdown. But I wonder if I will intellectualise it too much and miss the point altogether.

Anyway, the reason I am drawn in by Taoism is because it has no personification of the spiritual. “Tao” literally just means “the way.” I thoroughly enjoy the ambiguity of it. It starts with an anarchic claim:

The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao.
The name that can be named is not the eternal name.

Tao Te Ching, Chapter 1

I also love that within it, the principle of dialectics, of yin and yang is so strong. It talks about vitality and action but with a sense of passivity. I love its non-violent stance. There are so many socialist undertones that it brings peace to my heart. I also love the idea of “Flow,” which has become the focus of lot of psychology that tries to understand the creative process.

I am feeling contemplative about it but confused if I should write down my thoughts on the 81 chapters, or record them as a creative project.

Unsure but tempted,
tame shewolf.

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