When I am depressed, the big things do not affect me whatsoever. I will plough through the day and do everything that is expected of me, without any grumpiness.
But what will break my back is if I spill water on my quilt and I have to clean that up.
Yes, that is my tiny tragedy.
It is weird what I will sulk over and that is when I am know I am depressed.
- The internet is slow and the funny show online is buffering.
- The lid of the bottle/jar doesn’t open.
- I have to take a bath but can’t decide what to wear.
- I can’t find words to drive my point.
- I can see someone being nice to me but feel a dissociation to it.
- I tore off a button or something.
- I have made three typos in a row.
- I dropped my spoon which adds to my chore. (basically my klutzy behaviour becomes overwhelming to bear)
- I have a low score on Scrabble, or even Tetris (which I stopped playing bcz it was a foolproof test of how bad my concentration is on that particular day).
- I write a terrible sentence, and I don’t even know how to make it better.
These things can bring me down for an hour or so. I don’t even think that is worth saying to someone, “Look, this made me sad today.” I mean, I couldn’t without making it a joke. And then I don’t like that I made a joke of it to seem “not weird.”
Actually, listing this made me laugh. So maybe, I am over November blues already.
PS: I did spill water on my quilt, just when I was going to write a post on loss.
I cleaned it. I sulked. I taught a class like a nice person. Here I am, in no mood to write my intended topic. Laaife!