I am so conscious of you,
Every move you make
Ever so slightly.
Nothing changes in a moment,
But everything has
In just a few.
No one realizes your cruel game.
You come and go.
I watch you walk to me.
I watch you leave.
I’ve never watched you stay.
Why do you play with me this way?
Most times you’re the same.
I’ve been there with you,
So I shrug apathetically
When you arrive again.
Sometimes out of nowhere,
I realize so much has changed.
I recognize that it’s just you
Wearing something new.
You know how much I hate it,
When I spot the tiring patterns of our games?
I need to learn to let you go.
I need to learn to not expect a thing—
You bore me when I am eager to be surprised;
Your surprises make me squirm
when I had begun to be comfortable being bored—
I need to learn to embrace you when you come.
Fuck. Tell me how it’s done.
Let’s play this game fair for once.
Suffering is momentary, you say.
For how long do you stretch it!
Bliss is eternal, you say.
For how little you let me glimpse at it!
How mean are you!
I could hold you by the collar, and beat you
Till I hear your ticking stop.
But I know it’ll only keep me stuck
In a horrible limbo,
Having neither won nor lost,
Simply debarred from playing the game.
You make me burn.
I die a little
Everyday, and everyday
I choose to rise.
When everything possible has been said and done,
All I can think is: What is next?
Yeah, curiosity kept this cat alive.
Show me what you’ve got up your sleeve.
Teach me that magic trick!
At least tell me, how do you manage to keep this game fun?
All at once,
You erase and create.
You damn me to an exile
Till these scars from the old games fade.
You visit to wreck me once more
When you decide I haven’t learnt from the mistakes I’ve made.
No next levels, huh?
Not till I have cleared all the ones before..
Well, that’s fine with me.
Let’s just play.
After all this while,
I only hold a blurry dream
Of what could have been
And what was.
I only bear a faint imagination
Of what would be
And what will be.
Really, I don’t mind that you play me.
You are simple.
(Ha! And also perfect continuous!)
You’re awesome, in the truest sense of the word.
I marvel at the grace with which you pull it all off.
Don’t mock me.
I’ll understand you one day.
I’ll watch you come, go and stay
All at once.
The falling grains of sand won’t seize me in this beautiful terror.
I’ll be above it.. So over it!
I’ll lie with you and watch everyone play this game, wretchedly.
Just like I’ve done.
Just like I had done.
Just like I will have done.
I’ll watch the tide turning in its terrifying beauty.
I’ll see you.