Why I hate boys. (Part 3)

Tame SheWolf

Read Part 1 and Part 2.

“Women don’t make fools of men most of them are the “do-it-yourself” types.”

-Anonymous

In no mood to repeat the disclaimer, I begin the last post of the trilogy! My compulsive categorization brings to you two types of attitudes boys hold in an argument they can’t win.

“You are a girl.”

Hindi version: Tu ladki hai isiliye main kuch nahi bol raha hoon.

A guy who resorts to this to end an argument is trying to be chivalrous, but you can see past that and notice the deep-rooted crap in his head. The move is equal to forfeiting. I don’t see the sense in it anyway. By ending it with this line, he is not only taking my right to fight for myself, argue back or question further but also forces me to be blinded to certain realities (apparently) “for my own good”. And if it is his Won’t-hit-a-girl policy that stops him, it just means he can’t argue with his intellectual faculties alone.

“You are such a girl!”

My ears turn red when I hear this sentence. If only I could beat such a guy up…

When a guy wants to end the fight pretending to be a victor, he’ll use this sentence to prove that I am the girl who is not understanding him and being irrational; or maybe point out that I am getting unnecessarily emotional. What is being “such a girl”? Is it when I can’t take a bad word in my stride?

I have just one guy in my life who serves my feminism to me on a platter. He gives me exactly what I ask for; nothing more, nothing less. I quite often have heated discussions with him. Sometimes I’ll gasp in offense, “I can’t believe that you just said that.” And he’ll say, “Yes, I did.” It is such a slap of perspective in your face. It just takes me out of my thought-rut and I suddenly appreciate the reality of the blunt equality I keep asking for. I like the hit of truth, even though sometimes it takes time to sink in. But when it does, I have so much more respect for him.
But he’s a school friend, and I have a Never-date-a-school-friend-however-awesome-he-may-turn-out-to-be policy. Now, that’s a subject for a completely new blog-post altogether! 😛

*****

Turning slightly off course and since I’ve been talking about boys, I might as well talk about men. For me, men too have their categories.

1.       The Committed

It is not like boys who are committed become men, or boys who are not virgins are men. No, that is definitely not the case. Like I’ve pointed out before, age or experience is not what makes men. It is something else. As soon as I am able to pin-point it, I will blog about it. Promise.

[Aside: What is the opposite of virgin? Not slang words, the exact antonym.]

2.       The Unreachable

A never-ending list under this category, but here’s a few:

All the actors that I am in love with. For example,

Robert Pattinson (Judge me!)

Hugh Jackman (Of course!)

Brad Pitt (Classic case of when you are beautiful, no one cares for your talent)

Shahrukh Khan (Like how Snape somberly says: “Always!”)

Ranbir Kapoor(I believe him in every scene. Every time.)

 

All the actors that I am in love with who turn out to be gays. I feel cheated when I invest so much of my emotional energy swooning over a guy and he turns out to be a Wikipedia-confirmed-gay. For example,

Neil Patrick Harris

Matthew Bomer

[Aside: Also my own observation: No Neil is ever un-handsome! Also included names in this foolproof list are Thomas/Tom and Matt/Matthew. 😉 Go check! :P]

Fictional characters in books and even movies. Currently, I am Sherlocked. 😛

 

Also musicians, yes!

John Mayer (I know he’s a prick, but I totally get his songs! :P)

Ed Sheeran (This guy is something else!)

3.       My Imagination

God, if only I could allow you inside my brain like Dumbledore does with his pensieve (technically outside his brain)! The perfect guy in my imagination is a glorious man with pride, masculine grace, and all the superheroes of the world combined. He doesn’t need to shout because he is heard.

My imagination is not restricted to the ideal world. I totally indulge in daydreaming in real life too. I am automatically starry-eyed over guys who voraciously read.  I cannot stop looking over at a guy who is reading. C’mon, how romantic is a guy turning pages and smiling over what he just read!
I also remember guys by the romanticized titles I give them like ‘Lion Head’, ‘The Musician’, ‘John Galt’ (Atlas Shrugged Hero) etc. etc. There have been times when I’ve blurted out the ‘Code name’ completely forgetting his real name. That becomes awkward sometimes.

Any guy I meet is subjected to these kinds of tale-spinning of how-awesome-he-must-be usually followed by dawning of reality. That guy (let’s call him ‘Humpty Dumpty’) has a great fall and yes, no one can fix him in this side of the parallel universe either.
So to save myself from the giddy crush-disenchantment cycle, I now repeat to myself, even before I begin making stories: He’s not Batman. He’s not Batman. He’s not Batman.
It has worked for me up till now. Seriously.

The perfect guy is also how Adele describes him in her song ‘Daydreamer’: He can change the world with his hands behind his back; or how Beyonce sings in ‘Single Ladies’: Be the man that makes me, then takes me and delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond.

Coming down to reality, if I try to pinpoint my type of guy, it is ‘The Sorted’. They exist, right?

Or else I’ll have to patiently wait (punctuated by impatient rants) until some dumb boy grows up. Sigh.

Coping with Dysphoria,

Signing off,

Tame SheWolf

WORDLY WISE:

“You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.”

-Anonymous

18 thoughts on “Why I hate boys. (Part 3)”

  1. And I thought Lord of The Rings was an epic trilogy…
    Still, I suppose there is a parallel with you trying to find your “precious” (***), the one man “To Rule Them All” 😀

    (***) – Not that I’m insinuating that you resemble Gollum in any way. Saying that, I have no clue who/what you do resemble, so you could resemble Gollum for all I know. Or you could resemble a mutated cucumber. Or Beyonce. My ignorance tends to infinity in htis field.

    Like

    Reply

    1. hahahahha… Thank you!

      I definitely don’t resemble Gollum.
      I can’t say about a mutated cucumber (since if one is really creative, you can make that look good too)
      So… maybe Beyonce, yeah! 😛 (Kidding! :P)

      Like

      Reply

  2. Hahaha. I spent a good 5 minutes trying to fit the guys I know into all these categories. Had fun reading this stuff.

    Like

    Reply

  3. well….you are a complete magician [ you would understand this only if you have seen ‘The prestige'( and it has both, Hugh and Christian]
    because you followed the three golden rules of a good magician,
    The pledge (1st part)
    Turn (2nd part)
    Prestige (3rd part).
    waiting for the Never-date-a-school-friend-however-awesome-he-may-turn-out-to-be policy topic!

    Like

    Reply

  4. I *know* what u mean by each category you’ve mentioned….its soooo damn true n i was actually recollecting so many scenes i’ve had to live through with each of the category…
    Your dis post is a master piece foe every girl who has made unsuccessful-and-brave attempts to actually understand and reason boys’ dumbness….
    Totally loved it…you just gave me another reason to admire your intellect 🙂

    Like

    Reply

  5. So, the very-interesting-trilogy-for-the-lack-of-a-better-word ends with a severe case of NPD, like I thought!

    Oh, and some have said, the opposite of virgin is virgout.

    (Pause)

    Or check this: http://www.opposite-word.com/v/virgin

    Also, “He’s not Batman” is the funniest thing you’ve written. It made me smile. Although, if he were, it would still not matter as most women are like Rachel anyway. So, it’s good that he’s not.

    Like

    Reply

    1. Of course, the blog is narcissistic. But I think, I apologize enough for it. The humour should compensate for it, doesn’t it? 😛

      Eew.. I didn’t like the opposite word for Virgin. All derogatory. Anyway, I think I like “virgout”. 🙂

      What?? I’m not Rachel! See, right there, You acted like me.. (generalizing unabashedly). I would let Batman be Batman.

      Like

      Reply

  6. Yeah. Apologetic evil is the best kind, isn’t it! However, I think s-elf love is so rare that it should be commended and not compensated for.

    QUOTE:
    [Aside: What is the opposite of virgin? Not slang words, the exact antonym.]
    UNQUOTE

    I think you somehow knew you wouldn’t like it and you still asked for it. Like I am the doctor, you travel all the way to see me, seek my professional opinion and buy some quick pills to cure your ailment with the money that you’ve been saving up for times like these. When you already know, you are not going to like the medicine, it is always bitter, isn’t it! I guess virgout it shall be then, for the little humour that’s left in me and for the pickiness that you’ve so effectively demonstrated, both in the post above and in the comments following it.

    You’re not Rachel? You mean you’re not like most women, from what I said above. Ah. There’s some nice subtle self-complimenting :). I didn’t say you were or were like Rachel. And actually, Rachel did let Batman be Batman. She just made it utterly difficult for him to be with her as long as he were Batman. And when Bruce realized Gotham may not need Batman anymore thanks to Mr. Dent, Rachel would have him believe that even though Gotham didn’t need Batman, he did. I mean how hard is it to admit that one does not want to be with someone! And if you ignore the ranting and focus here, you’d see that we’ve completed the circle! For women to get a ‘man’, someone like Batman, they have to be like Selina Kyle when most women think they would rather be Rachel. It’s sad. Really.

    Like

    Reply

    1. Apologetic evil is disgusting and parasitic. Glorifying evil, now, that I like.
      If I were evil, I’d be the latter. I’d be wicked cool.

      Virginity is over-rated. Really, you are telling me I should be okay with the words, defiled? used? Eew. Please.

      The end part just hurt btw. I will not believe that depressive crap. I think, for a woman like Selina Kyle, even Batman would be the energy-sucking emotional fool.. In the fiction world, she really needs an equally proud, awesome guy like maybe.. Sherlock or Iron Man (In short, anything Robert Downey Jr. :P)

      Meanwhile, I’m just an apologetic narcissist and definitely not a Rachel.

      PS: If you correct this post one more time, I will virtual punch you.
      🙂

      Like

      Reply

      1. Yes, true. Very.

        I suppose it’s a hazard for really really good looking folks. Some times people don’t even care if they do their job well. Look at Katrina Kaif. Look at, OMG the beauty, Catherine Zeta Jones.

        I don’t think either of them can act. But, alas…

        Like

        Reply

Tell me what you think: