“What is the most resilient parasite? … …
An idea. Resilient, highly contagious. Once an idea has taken hold of the brain it’s almost impossible to eradicate. An idea that is fully formed, fully understood. That sticks, right in there somewhere. [Pointing to his head]”
~ Inception movie (edited some parts out.)
It’s … (Drum roll) Theory-making time!
The Evolving Idea of Me
Yes, it’s that time again when I can’t swallow the fact how immeasurably stupid I’ve been in the past few years.
The problem is that I have strongly believed that I am above being idiotic; but I end up indulging in everything I preach one must not do. The other day, thanks to some FB application, I saw an image in my album which was a collection of all my status updates of 2010. It was witty (proudly so), but I thought to myself: Why am I using so many exclamation marks? Why am I screaming in CAPITAL LETTERS? Why am I going berserk over Tom Cruise and Shahrukh Khan? Who cares about this specific update? Why am I such a teenager? Aaaaaargh. I don’t know why I call myself mature. I am such a… (Pause) I guess, there’s no word for that.
The conclusion is that I’ve been there, done that, hence, now I am ‘above’ that. And yes, I should just take time with people and let them reach the “above” state of mind at their own pace. (God knows that it’ll be difficult for me to sit through it all, without a word.) But today, for a change, I shall let go and forgive myself:
I forgive myself the miserable embarrassments of my own foolishness;
Of previous years and years ahead. It is all alright.
Moving on… I have changed so much. I can mark the changes in hindsight. Like really pinpoint the core idea that changed the course of that particular thought-stream in me. I’d give credit for it to some writers, friends, bloggers, vloggers, songs and movies too. Wish I had the patience to write it all down, explaining each turn of thought. But I’ll wrap it in a sentence and tell you that my self concept of who I am, what I want from life, how people are, how the world is, my ideas of love, happiness, money, education, examination, god, arts etc. etc. has changed radically though gradually, from my school years to now. Some fundamentals got reinforced; others were simply thrown out of my mind.
The Evolving Idea of God:
Idea 1: Nasty, Moody, Spiteful.
Forces of nature seem moody. I get why we used to pray then. The ambiguity of what might happen, how badly storms/floods/earthquakes/forest-fires may hit us was not something we could tackle or prevent or even predict. So, humans trying to please a spiteful god who is always in need of an ego massage with daily prayers, sacrifices etc. to just avoid the pain and mess is a smart human idea to cope with it. So personification of that idea of gods into mythology where they act jealous, power hungry and plain silly is in line with the belief that we held then. But we don’t need to be ‘god-fearing’ anymore.
Idea 2: Non-judgemental, Merciful.
I guess we came up with this idea when we realized, by our own standards of morality, we have sinned a lot. Forgiveness, rationalizing gives you peace: We’re all children of god. It is only human to err. Blah blah… The final acceptance and approval comes from high above. He must stamp us with holiness with his non-judgemental light. No heaven, no hell. Easier to be god-loving now, huh?
Idea 3: Us. (Yeah, man!)
The universe, all our souls, together creating an energy field that’s bigger than us, individually; but made of us definitely. The whole concept of Karma- the action and the reaction- gets intertwined intricately into the whole web of life. An awesome idea! With this idea, I can see the limitations of omnipotence of ‘god’ and its omniscience spread out in the web, than being concentrated as one body of power. The complexity of fate and free will makes some sense finally.
Yeah, I get the idea of me being my own god. But it’s sometimes difficult to accept that the jerk you know is part of it all, is as holy if not less. It is easy to accept ourselves as spiritual beings but harder to see others compassionately, with their shortcomings and their moral principles (consciously or unconsciously chosen), as part of the same journey. That stage of peace (I call it, ‘external’ peace) I am yet to find.
The Evolving Idea of the World’s End:
In the beginning of the year, everybody was speculating how 2012 may be the world’s end. I didn’t care much. (I am not dying early, I just know. I am a teen feeling invincible.) But if I ever thought about it, I always thought that the world will end because of man and man alone; not because of god’s wrath, not because of some asteroid from outer space, not even because of global warming. (I am sure men can survive anything natural. We succumb to natural forces, sure, but we always overcome.) Nothing is more horrific than man himself. We’ll destroy ourselves in war. Or there’ll be fear and frustration bursting in the streets, large-scale rioting, everyone fighting for some stupid noble cause. Or it will be some science experiment gone wrong.
Point being, I imagined world’s end as men lying dead in the ruins of everything they’ve created and destroyed.
Until I read a blog. It just described a videogame with this apparently ‘mind-blowing’ plot. See, how vague I am being, I don’t remember anything else of the blog except the “idea”. (Link here anyway!) This ‘resilient’ idea just got stuck in my head and I mulled over it for days. The idea was that the world won’t end in doom, it’d end in perfection. (Gasp!)
I directly quote the blog:
“Cutting to the end of the game, the revelation of the secret. We get near the Apple of Eden and strange things begin to happen. We are transported to a weird place. There’s a man dressed like a god of some sort, telling us ‘the secret.’ And it begins to visualize.
Here it is.
The human race reaches the peak of civilization. Having found every cure of every disease, this, that, blah blah. And then, out of the blue, the planet destroys itself. Every last living creature dies. The earth erupts, cracks up and consumes everything inside. Then, life of the planet begins, again. Rocks, water, single celled organisms, etc, etc. Did it blow your mind? It was enough for me.”
So, play with this idea: The world ends when perfection is attained.
What is perfection? What is a common world ideal, if there is one? I don’t want to define it. You dream. You choose. The whole idea of a perfect end gives me peace. We are so imperfect right now, imagine how much more time it will take to evolve to that stage.
But a question here: Is the time when everything’s perfect, the perfect moment to die?
As a writer, I say: Yes! The circular journey is complete. Perfect! (Think: Robert Pattison in the movie ‘Remember Me’)
As a human, I say: one lifetime more please?
Clearing my head one thought at a time,
“I am an idea-holder. I am an idea-maker. I also, am an idea.”
PS: I quoted me in ‘Wordly Wise’ section. Cocky much? : P