“Ask me why life is short and love is
Shorter still, ask me what is bliss and what its price..”
-Kamala Das, from the poem The Stone Age
Oh god, how much I hate to see my friends pining for someone special in this infinite universe, or someone specific. : P
Like my mom categorizes everything I do as a ‘teenage phase’− which is frustrating for me, and this frustration also she’ll conveniently label the same, and then the conversation just becomes a vicious, frustrating cycle− I could categorize this romantic stupidity as just that. When my friends get older (and I pray, more mature), they may look back and laugh at all this and say ‘what the fuck was I thinking’!
But what if, they don’t.
What if they don’t regret their childish stubbornness and the feeling is/becomes one of the last, pure idealism of adolescence before they turn into realistic and rational adults. Their definition of love might change from the filmi-romantic perspective that they hold today to the unromantic-evolutionary perspective (i.e. for progeny, security, psychological well-being, blah-blah…). For that one percent possibility of their feelings being more than just-a-phase, I’d not wake them up and let them continue dreaming with their eyes wide open.
But that’s not the point. I have a theory on love to share today.
“Time is indirectly proportional to love felt.”
Yeah, there I said it. No show-sha.
Let me explain it in simple terms. The lesser the time spent, more the love felt. The more time spent, the less one romanticizes the relationship. For example, a break-up after a few months due to external factors (eg. parents, long distance stay etc.) would be thoroughly romanticized.
When love is short, you have only the good memories to bring back and replay over and over again in your head. Since everything was so perfect in that little time y’all had together, you will surely but erroneously conclude that life would have been perfect with that person. And then, you’ll be stuck in time with the memories labelling that person as your one true love.
When love has lasted forever, then it is just a habit. It is complacent and comfortable. Love is felt, but not as giddy-headed.
My graph has an aberration in this specific case: When love is spread out across years of togetherness (at least 5 years, that’s my litmus test), and if the couple breaks up, then they still love each other. Yes. But they don’t over-do the after break-up effect. I guess it’s just easier to accept the reasons (external or internal) of the mutual break-up. After 5 years, you have seen the good and bad side of the person/the relationship; you have fought off the problems and come strong; you have lived out all the realistic possibilities.
So, the love you feel after the break up is in proportion. I grant you the permission to cry.
Don’t hate me for making love black and white. But that’s my theory. Maybe in the future when I cry over a stupidly short romance (that’s never happening, but whatever) I will disregard this theory and write a blog about it. It’s just a theory.
Figuring out the riddle,
“I don’t quite know how to say how I feel.
Those three words are said too much.
They’re not enough.”
-Snow Patrol, ‘Chasing Cars’.
PS: I had been thinking about this theory for more than a month now, and it got reinforced with proof many times too. I finally wrote it when this song drove me to just sit and write. The oh-so-hopelessly-romantic song by Snow Patrol: Chasing Cars. You must’ve noticed that the lyrics are my wordly-wise for today! : )