By the river, I sat down and wept


With a heavy heart, I ran out of my bordered confines
I ran. I ran away. Faraway, I ran.
Don’t ask me-
‘From where?’
‘From what?’
‘From whom?’
I need to figure that out myself.

I was not scared, oh no.
I was tired, so exhausted. I was fed up.
I was not weak, never!
I did not want the world to see me cry.
I never asked for pity;
I did not want sympathetic love
No thanks, I can get what I want myself

For now, I want to cry.
Leave me alone, let me be. Stop clinging onto me.
So, I ran.
Heading nowhere in particular…
But, I ran.
I ran away from my world.

I ran away from cities crowded,
I ran from villages abandoned,
I ran through forests rich,
I ran past deserts barren,
I climbed on mountains high,
I walked by plains low,
And finally I reached the place calling out to me.

The sparkling, splashing, roaring waves
Rushing ahead to a purpose;
Still calling out to me, to stop and gaze
And then suddenly, I was overwhelmed.
My moist eyes could no more see the beauty ahead
I let go of my tears, finally
By the river, I sat down and wept

By the river, I sat down and wept
It watched me go through emotions I suppressed
The river sighed with me,
It felt calm when I was.
It wailed with me, screamed with me, moaned with me.
It cried with me.
Later the water went quiet, but I did not.

With each tear shed, I shed a tiny part of my pain, my past
It waited for me all this while;
Waiting for me to pick myself up
I was not done just yet.
I cried some more, I cried my heart out.
It watched me cry, slowing down its pace
I thought I should stop, but I could not

I allowed myself to feel
What I thought I could never take in
I allowed myself a moment of weakness
Which otherwise I would have never let in
The river continued to wait;
Splattering me with drops, cajoling me to stop
Ha! But I didn’t.

After a long time, it seemed, I looked up.
I had lost the track of time.
I looked at the river passing me by
That stream which watched me cry
Now, it became my real home
What I had always searched for in my dreams but never found
Of course, until now!

I gazed at it- this place where now my heart lives
With awe, I watched the water
Wearing all the colors of the skies-
The unsure rays of dawn, the clear blue bustling morn,
The orange nostalgic sunset, the ink-black poised night;
It reflected them all.
I watched it a little bit longer with little more awe.

I looked into the waters deep
Realized, it reflected me too.
My glories and my falls,
my goodness and my flaws,
My darkness and my light,
my miseries and my dreams;
It reflected them all.

No judgments passed, no lies hiding the real me.
I thought I could never be understood
Never be comforted, never be confronted
It knew so much of me in so little time.
And I knew what it gave me selflessly
The truth stares back at me, here, in this moment.
And I realized what the river asked from me.

No, I did not go back,
I went ahead to write my own future.
No more a puppet of fate, I was the master of my own circumstances
If I’m down again, I’ll come back to that sparkling water
It knows me now, smiling back every time.
My life ended as I knew it, when-
By the river, I sat down and wept!

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